In Memorium: Hampster

This is not an actual picture of "Hamster". Sadly we don't even have one photo of the original.
I am a killer of all things innocent and furry. I think it is a genetic trait passed down generation to generation in my family. It started when my dad was just a kid. He grew up in farm country, not a good place for family pets. All his dogs were executed by farmers for getting into their chickens. He couldn't even keep his stick horses alive, because his father would hide them never to be found again.
This curse continued in our family from the time we were little. My sister had a gerbil she put out in the sun to warm up, only to come back in the 100 degree heat to find it legs up in the glass bowl she kept it in. (See anything wrong with this picture?) Several goldfish followed with toilet burials. Next came our dog Macey which we had for about a week before the Avon lady accidentally ran him over.
Following this heartbreak, we adopted two twin dogs, which we lovingly named Thelma and Louis (Hello/?/). Thelma went for a hot night out out on the town and ended up "with child." Soon after, she disappeared. My dad said she had "ran away", but I knew better. After Thelma's mysterious disappearance, Louis was never the same. Her poor doggie heart couldn't take the separation and she hung herself on the back fence. There follow several other accounts which are too sad to re-describe. Let's just say pets = death in the Moore family household.
Because of this, I have never allowed a pet in my home. Reality is that I am just being merciful to the pets. I know what their fate will be if they come in contact with me. However, three months ago, I caved and allowed my school class to get a class pet. I thought this would be a good compromise. My own kids were begging for a pet, but I didn't want to take care of one, so I let my school class do it.
He was a cute, little, white hamster. We named him "Hamster" and he pretty much kept to himself...Up until one week ago. Starting Monday last, he began running in his green plastic hamster wheel, and running, and running, and running. I'm not kidding when I say he ran all day and most likely half the night. I know this because the Wednesday after was my work party and when I went into my room at 8 o' clock at night he was still running in that wheel. Thursday we cleaned his cage and refilled his food and water. He settled down, finally. Thank goodness, because I was starting to hear that spinning hamster wheel even in my sleep. Friday we left and his food and water were full. He was running around his cage, a happy hamster again.
Fast forward to today. I am giving the students their spelling pretest when I realize I haven't heard a peep from "Hamster" all day. I glance down at his cage and see him huddled "sleeping" in the corner of his cage. I try to be discreet as I nudge the cage, hoping he will pop up and start running. Nothing...I nudge harder. I shake. By this time the students have begun to realize something is amiss. I have to break the bad news that Hamster is dead. Chaos ensues... Should we bury him? (Yeah right, it's zero degrees outside), Should we throw him in the classroom garbage? (Uh, hello dead animal stink), Should we burn him and spread his ashes? (This idea is quickly squashed by me). So hamster is now in an unmarked grave in the dumpster behind the school. I am grateful it is cold enough that hopefully he won't start to stink before the garbage man comes.
I do have one question though... How did Hamster really die? We left Hamster with full food and water and in good spirits on Friday. Monday morning every drop of food is gone and there is not even one drop of water in its little water dispenser. Could Hamster have eaten that much food and drank that much water? It's doubtful. It usually takes him an entire week to consume the food and half of the water in his cage. I am starting to think there is a hamster murderer in our midst. There are several suspects in my investigation.
Suspect #1- Evil Sweeper/Cleaner Lady: She hated how we threw the old hamster bedding in the bottom of the garbage can each week. Maybe she off-ed him knowing she would never have to deal with that bedding again. Also she would have been the last one in the classroom on Friday with plenty of time to dump the food and water. Motive and no alibi.
Suspect #2- Cat-Sized Rat that roams the school at night: This rat has never been seen, but is rumored to occupy the attic of the school. He would be big and mean, just the type of bully to kill Hamster and then dump the food and water to make it look like an accident. How could a rat be this smart? Well he's survived in the school for this long; He just might have the guts and brains to pull off just such an operation.
Suspect #3- A Vindictive Student: (This is the scariest thought of all) Maybe one of my students who does not like our class, or our class mascot, Hamster, snuck into the school one night and dumped everything just so they could see the hurt/shocked/devastated looks on all the other children's faces. I currently have two students who are A-wall. It is possible that they might do this.
Regardless, Hamster is dead, and I am not getting another class pet. I mean, what if no one killed Hamster? What if Hamster committed suicide, just like Louis? And so the curse continues...
Fare Thee Well...Oh good and faithful hamster. May your cage be clean and your food be plentiful in heaven. Mrs. Jordan's class will miss you.