Sunday, December 28, 2008

My Bucket List

With the New Year approaching, everyone is talking about changing their lives, making resolutions, blah, blah, blah. I hate making resolutions...I'm ready to take on Calvin's New Year's philosophy. OR
Every year it seems I make this big plan to be different than I really am, and every year it just ends up not working out. I'm sure it's because it is really hard to change the person you actually are. Therefore, this year I resolve to just love myself the way that I am. I am NOT going to lose weight. I am NOT going to try to be "more religious". And I am definitely NOT going to try to cook more and like it. I'm going to be "Me" and I am going to like it. HOWEVER...
There are a few things that I do want to accomplish or at least try out in my life time. So here is my "Bucket List". There is no way I can accomplish these things in one year, but maybe within my short time on earth, I might get to it. Here's the list (in no particular order):
1. Travel and Tour Scotland and Ireland. If possible stay in a hotel that looks like this (I'd also like to see a rainbow while visiting Ireland, you know there is nothing more Irish than that.)
2. Take singing lessons and then belt out a solo in front of a crowd.
3. Talk to the President of the United States (on the phone, or in person).
4. Go skiing in Switzerland.
5. Visit Italy: ride in a gondola and see Rome.
6. Meet a HOT movie star for drinks at one of those Hollywood restaurants. Any of the following stars would do...
Viggo Mortensen:Who doesn't want a guy who could kill you an animal if you were starving? (Hopefully he would even wear his Aragorn costume when we met up)

Robert Pattinson: Definitely post haircut. It might be a little Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher, but that is all right in L.A. :)

Christian Bale: Loved him since Newsies and Little Women.

Jude Law: The accent is what gets me here, not the hairline :)

Gerard Butler: He is unattached and can also sing like nobodies business. Maybe he would serenade me. You think?

(Looking at this, I realize that my "HOT STAR" list is kind of weird,huh, I wonder what that says about me?)

7. Teach high school or college instead of elementary school. Planning just a couple of lessons, having an hour of prep every day, and throwing really annoying students out of class would really be the life.
8. Have a book published (even if it only sells 2 copies)
9. Win a huge sum of money, and by huge I'm talking something over $500. I'm not picky or greedy, I just want to win!
10. Watch all of my kids graduate from college, get married, and be happy.
11. Be a cool grandma. Take my grand kids to concerts, movies, whatever, and have them be happy to hang out with me.
12. Drive a race car... doesn't even have to be in a race. I just want to do it.
13. Run a half marathon. I honestly have no desire to ever run a full marathon. Look at what happens to people who run marathons, and these people train for it. Insanity! But I would like to run a longer distance than a 10K.

14. Live outside of Utah. I have lived in Utah my whole life, never living further away than an hour or so drive from my parents house. I want to see what it is like living around people who won't freak out if I accidentally swear or buy a caffeinated beverage.
15. Swim with the dolphins, really just scuba dive. The ocean really freaks me out, so I want to conquer that fear and just do it.
16. Travel into space. I really wanted to work for NASA for a long time when I was growing up. That will obviously never happen, but I would still like to go up in a space craft and experience weightlessness.
17. Go shopping in Paris.
18. Spend Christmas in New York, staying at a really fabulous hotel of course.
19. Have one of my students do something great and attribute their success to their awesome fifth grade teacher.
20. Surgery for the sake of looking awesome; my preferences in order are: varicose vein removal, laser eye surgery, breast lift, botox, and last but not least lipo on my thighs. No, I don't consider myself vain, but I am not against doing things that make me look better than everyone else. :)
This short list is going to expand as I get older, and it will probably change every other second, but hopefully by publishing this I will be more likely to do these things. Now last but not least, I'm off to find a really old, rich person willing to fund my crazy adventures. Maybe I'll make that number 21...

Friday, December 26, 2008

Christmas Awesomeness!

Christmas-Need we say more? However, it isn't Christmas without a bunch of grinning family pictures, and pictures of kids ripping open presents, and pictures of tired moms and dads. I have to say that I truly hate Christmas morning pictures. Just about the last thing I enjoy doing is taking pictures of myself first thing in the morning after about 3 hours of sleep. I mean, you'd look like a Diva idiot if you were in full makeup, with your hair done, but honestly I've never had a good Christmas morning picture of myself. The kids look cute and awesome though, so you gotta post those. Anyway, if you are as bored as I am with all this time out of school, you might enjoy wasting it watching a slide show of above mentioned pictures. Have a great time staring at us in full Christmas repose!

Best Bowling Party, Ever!

The Whole Jordan Clan Oh Yes! I really am not a good bowler! I Maybe Can't Bowl, but I Sure Look Like a Model!
The Jordan family decided that instead of having the usual sit-on-Santa's-lap-gorge-yourself-on-food kind of Christmas parties, we would go out bowling instead. What a great idea! (Seriously Shirlene, nicely done). It was really fun, definitely not the usual cover-up-your-mouth-so-they-don't-notice-you're-yawning sort of get together. We bowled, we ate, we bowled some more, we lost my one-year-old, we ate, and we bowled some more. The Runaway before his escape
If Only He Would Stay This Interested the Whole Time!(Thanks to those kind BYU students who found Andy wandering the top floor of the building and thought to bring him back to the bowling alley, because of course, who else would lose their child but some idiot who was too into their bowling game!) I'm thinking we should make this a tradition. (the bowling party,not the losing children, of course). I beat my best score ever, but still have not caught my white whale (a game in which I score at least 100). I fully blame the machine which ate my ball on the last frame, forcing me to use some sub-par ball I wasn't used to, which made me completely choke. Therefore I scored a 97, so close to that ever elusive 100. Darn those cursed gutters, and that crappy ball with the too-small finger holes! Maybe next time, oh yes, bowling pins, your time is coming.
Anyway, thanks Jordan family for a totally fun, completely not feeling like the worst parent in the world, self-esteem boosting, party. You guys are awesome! See you next year, same lanes, same time (I hope). Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 15, 2008

In Memorium: Hampster

This is not an actual picture of "Hamster". Sadly we don't even have one photo of the original.
I am a killer of all things innocent and furry. I think it is a genetic trait passed down generation to generation in my family. It started when my dad was just a kid. He grew up in farm country, not a good place for family pets. All his dogs were executed by farmers for getting into their chickens. He couldn't even keep his stick horses alive, because his father would hide them never to be found again.
This curse continued in our family from the time we were little. My sister had a gerbil she put out in the sun to warm up, only to come back in the 100 degree heat to find it legs up in the glass bowl she kept it in. (See anything wrong with this picture?) Several goldfish followed with toilet burials. Next came our dog Macey which we had for about a week before the Avon lady accidentally ran him over.
Following this heartbreak, we adopted two twin dogs, which we lovingly named Thelma and Louis (Hello/?/). Thelma went for a hot night out out on the town and ended up "with child." Soon after, she disappeared. My dad said she had "ran away", but I knew better. After Thelma's mysterious disappearance, Louis was never the same. Her poor doggie heart couldn't take the separation and she hung herself on the back fence. There follow several other accounts which are too sad to re-describe. Let's just say pets = death in the Moore family household.
Because of this, I have never allowed a pet in my home. Reality is that I am just being merciful to the pets. I know what their fate will be if they come in contact with me. However, three months ago, I caved and allowed my school class to get a class pet. I thought this would be a good compromise. My own kids were begging for a pet, but I didn't want to take care of one, so I let my school class do it.
He was a cute, little, white hamster. We named him "Hamster" and he pretty much kept to himself...Up until one week ago. Starting Monday last, he began running in his green plastic hamster wheel, and running, and running, and running. I'm not kidding when I say he ran all day and most likely half the night. I know this because the Wednesday after was my work party and when I went into my room at 8 o' clock at night he was still running in that wheel. Thursday we cleaned his cage and refilled his food and water. He settled down, finally. Thank goodness, because I was starting to hear that spinning hamster wheel even in my sleep. Friday we left and his food and water were full. He was running around his cage, a happy hamster again.
Fast forward to today. I am giving the students their spelling pretest when I realize I haven't heard a peep from "Hamster" all day. I glance down at his cage and see him huddled "sleeping" in the corner of his cage. I try to be discreet as I nudge the cage, hoping he will pop up and start running. Nothing...I nudge harder. I shake. By this time the students have begun to realize something is amiss. I have to break the bad news that Hamster is dead. Chaos ensues... Should we bury him? (Yeah right, it's zero degrees outside), Should we throw him in the classroom garbage? (Uh, hello dead animal stink), Should we burn him and spread his ashes? (This idea is quickly squashed by me). So hamster is now in an unmarked grave in the dumpster behind the school. I am grateful it is cold enough that hopefully he won't start to stink before the garbage man comes.
I do have one question though... How did Hamster really die? We left Hamster with full food and water and in good spirits on Friday. Monday morning every drop of food is gone and there is not even one drop of water in its little water dispenser. Could Hamster have eaten that much food and drank that much water? It's doubtful. It usually takes him an entire week to consume the food and half of the water in his cage. I am starting to think there is a hamster murderer in our midst. There are several suspects in my investigation.
Suspect #1- Evil Sweeper/Cleaner Lady: She hated how we threw the old hamster bedding in the bottom of the garbage can each week. Maybe she off-ed him knowing she would never have to deal with that bedding again. Also she would have been the last one in the classroom on Friday with plenty of time to dump the food and water. Motive and no alibi.
Suspect #2- Cat-Sized Rat that roams the school at night: This rat has never been seen, but is rumored to occupy the attic of the school. He would be big and mean, just the type of bully to kill Hamster and then dump the food and water to make it look like an accident. How could a rat be this smart? Well he's survived in the school for this long; He just might have the guts and brains to pull off just such an operation.
Suspect #3- A Vindictive Student: (This is the scariest thought of all) Maybe one of my students who does not like our class, or our class mascot, Hamster, snuck into the school one night and dumped everything just so they could see the hurt/shocked/devastated looks on all the other children's faces. I currently have two students who are A-wall. It is possible that they might do this.
Regardless, Hamster is dead, and I am not getting another class pet. I mean, what if no one killed Hamster? What if Hamster committed suicide, just like Louis? And so the curse continues...
Fare Thee Well...Oh good and faithful hamster. May your cage be clean and your food be plentiful in heaven. Mrs. Jordan's class will miss you.

Friday, December 12, 2008

A Visit With St. Nick...In Poetry

Took kids to the mall yesterday.
Didn't have to wait in line.
Couldn't pay the Kiddie Kandid lady...
Took my own pics instead.
Kids were awesome.
Santa never said Ho-Ho-Ho.
Kids told Christmas wishes.
Kids were happy.
No crying involved.
Ran out of the mall.
On to do more Christmas errands.

Micky's Christmas Concert

I don't know why, but Micky is doing the same pose in almost all of her pictures lately. It's her model pose.

On Tuesday, Micky had her first ever Christmas Concert. My mom, dad, sister and her husband, and some cousins were able to come. I need to figure out how to download video so I can show you how cute it is when Micks is singing, but none of the motions of her mouth are actually matching what is supposed to be sung in the song. On the choruses she was awesome, though. The concert would have went off perfectly if not for a certain 1 year old whose first name starts with an 'A'. I don't want to name any names, but Andy was a stinker with a capitol 'S'. What is up with toddlers and going exactly where they shouldn't? The whole time (and I am not exagerating when I say "whole time") he kept trying to run up on stage, so we took him in the hall, and sure enough, he kept trying to escape out the doors into the cool night air. I think all of us were exhausted my the time the concert ended. Once again, wish I could show the video of him throwing himself on the ground in front of the singing kids. Good times! Great Job Micky! I'm proud of you! Andy, all I have to say to you is "One day your kids will do the exact same thing to you..."

Christmas Cheer

I basically have to redeem myself and prove that my house can actually be clean too. Don't faint, but I cleaned this myself. I will admit that it doesn't still look like this, which is why I had to take the pictures. Also, I can never remember how I decorate my house from year to year, so this might help me next year. It feels so much more Christmas-y when it's clean.

Monday, December 1, 2008

A Few of My Least Favorite Things

This last weekend was spent in humongo preparations for setting up Christmas Decorations...aka I had to clean my house. I have realized something in the last couple of months that makes this very hard for me. I HATE CLEANING MY HOUSE. Now in all fairness, it isn't all bad. However, this post is a tribute to the things I truly despise when trying to clean my house. Here is the list, not in any particular order...

1. Clothes Left on the Bed and Bed not Made
Now I love my hubby with all the tender mercies of my heart, but he does this to me all the time. He decides that the sheets on the bed need to be cleaned (I mean, it's only been a month :) So he strips them off the bed and puts them in the wash. Next, he takes whatever was in the dryer and throws it on the bed. Last, he leaves for work. I come home and in my hustle and bustle do not notice this until it is time to go to bed. Thus, to finally lay my weary head on my pillow I have to wait for the sheets to dry, fold and put away a load of laundry, then make the bed when the sheets are done. Not pleasant. Sometimes I just get a blanket and throw the clean clothes in the corner. It is the only way I can rebel against this lot I have been given.

2. Human Road Blocks
Every time I try to vacuum my floor, my 1 year old decides to stage a sit-in strike against clean floors. It goes something like this... I turn on the vacuum, he dashes in from some other room in the house, he lays down in the middle of the floor, I turn off the vacuum, he stands up and goes back to playing, I turn on the vacuum, he comes running back in...and the cycle continues. I guess he doesn't want me to clean the floor so that he can eat the leftover crumbs underneath the table or something, but UGH! Drives me crazy.

3.Counters So Messy I Don't Where to Begin. Have your counters ever looked like this? Mine either. I mean, this is just a picture I found on the internet. (wink, wink) I can not stand so many things smooshed altogether like this. You pick one thing up to put it away and the others multiply and replenish while you're gone. It takes me forever to clean up when my counters get like this. I try to keep them sparkling, but sometimes I get so busy and the next thing I know it has degraded to...well...see above picture.

4. Bill Paying and Drawer Cleanouts 101 Okay, once again... Love my hubby. BUT...bill paying is a disaster. Whenever he pays the bills, he leaves everything out. I don't know his filing system or how he has it organized, so I just have to pile it into a pile and throw it on top of the fridge (picture of fridge afterward not included). The other thing he does is clean out what we lovingly refer to as "The Junk Drawer". The only problem with this is that he leaves the contents just sitting on the counter. Hello! I have shoved all those papers, knick knacks, old paper clips, broken pencils, and hotel matchbooks in there for a reason. The reason you ask? So they won't be on the counter. I seriously want to tear my hair out when he does this.

5. Old Wrappers Shoved into Heating Ducts.
Okay, I don't have a picture of this because I was so mad about it, I just had to yell at my kids and send them to their rooms when I discovered it. I found out that garbages are not the "in" thing in my house anymore. I mean, why go all the way to the garbage can in the other room, when there is a sweet and convenient place to store trash in every room. It is called a heating duct. You just lift up the grate, shove your undesirables in there, replace the grate, and voila,you have a secret hiding place for that fruit snack wrapper from the fruit snacks you gobbled down in two seconds. I was wondering what that weird smell was whenever the heater kicked on. DISGUSTING!

So if I ever become a saint,make it to the Celetial Kingdom, and become a Goddess, my worlds I create will never get dirty. Everything will be clean all the time. Cleaning will be banned. But! If I ever want to make it there, I better go give my kids a hug and apologize for my ranting and raving. Hoover I come! Wait, where is my one year old?