Another Brilliant Idea

I often sit around thinking that life is good, and how lucky I really am to be alive and have my wonderful family and great friends. However, being the true American I really am, I am never satisfied. What would make having a life of safety and cleaniless (something not attainable in a third world country) better you ask? Why a soundtrack from the sky of course.

I am an avid movie watcher. I love how, when something sad happens, the depressing music crescendos at just the right moment making you cry your eyes out. It's fabulous when the two lovers finally get together and a little bit of a love song floats in from the background. Best of all, in a scary movie, they let us know something bad is going to happen when a creepy tune starts playing right before the guy jumps out of the closet. Wouldn't life be that much more wonderful if this happened for us?

Imagine for a moment you are driving along the road and suddenly, out of nowhere, the Jaws Theme starts playing in your car. Sure enough, right when the music hits fever pitch a hidden policeman pulls out behind you and gives you a ticket. Or, your jerk of a boyfriend that you've given years of your life to suddenly breaks up with you. At the perfect moment, Alannis Morriset's Jagged Little Pill soundtrack rips over an intercom. Now picture yourself having the best hair and clothes day you've had in a long time, and as you walk out of the bathroom Justin Timberlake's Sexy Back comes blasting out. Be honest, wouldn't that be awesome!

I keep hearing all these conspiracy theories, true or fake, about how the Government has devices that can track us where ever we go. Via satelite they pretty much know when you are using the bathroom or blowing your nose. They can track you through your credit cards also, which is why they are trying to make credit card usage an infection that spreads to every person in America. Well, I have to say, that if they have this kind of technology, then why can't they also create the soundtrack tracker?

How it would work is that a music system/satellite would be launched into space for every person in the U.S., because lets face it, there are not enough satellites in space. Then they could just install some type of microchip in your brain that tracks your moods (There's no way some one could use this for evil, right?). Then when your mood changed, a song would play inside your head that was perfect for whichever situation you might be in. It would be SO GREAT!

So, just in case someone ever does get smart enough to create this and not destroy all of mankind with the technology, here is my list of songs I would want in 'Margie's Life Soundtrack'.

A Bad Day- 'You Found Me' by:The Fray or 'Survivor' by:Destiny's Child
A Fat day (don't we all have these?)- 'Big and Chunky' by: will.i.am or 'Paper Bag' by: Anna Nalick
Sporting a Sexy Outfit- 'Sexy Back' by: Justin Timberlake or 'Single Ladies' by: Beyonce
Fighting with someone- 'I Don't Care' by: Fall Out Boy or 'Bad Reputation' by: Half Cocked
A Hard day at work- 'Take Me Away' by: Plain White T's
Feeling Stressed Out- '4 Minutes' by: Madonna and Justin Timberlake
Watching my kids get along- 'Makes Me Happy' by: Drake Bell
Fight with Hubby- 'So What' by: Pink
Tender Moment w/Hubby- 'Your Call' by: Secondhand Serenade, 'No Other Love' by: Chuck Prophet, and 'Crash Into Me' by: Dave Matthews Band
Finding Time to actually go running-'Let It Rock' by: Kevin Rudolf or 'Dirty Little Secret' by:The All-American Rejects
Bidding Farewell- 'Say' by: John Mayer or 'Homeward Bound' by: Mormon Tabernacle Choir

These are just a few of the songs I would request in my micro-chip, brain-implanted soundtrack. I know I would HAVE to have some U2, Pearl Jam, Jewel, Queen, Eric Clapton, Aretha Franklin, and Bing Crosby in there somewhere. Until that day comes, I guess I'll just have to keep my IPod handy and the radio blasting in my car.

A Formal Complaint to "The World"

7 August 2009

Me
Fed Up Lane
My life

To Whom it May Concern:
I had the opportunity of visiting your "offices" this past week, and I have a few complaints to make you aware of.

First of all, you don't have to make so many cops with attitude problems. They shouldn't follow you for five miles waiting for you to make a mistake. They shouldn't pull you over for not signaling for two seconds before changing lanes. And most of all, they shouldn't treat you rudely just because you drive a ghetto car with duct tape on the bumper. Could you please look into that for me, or at least tell them they should be following the '3 second' rule instead of riding my butt while they wait for me to make a mistake.

Secondly, I would appreciate it if you could keep your winds to a slight breeze. One of your more gusty rebels picked up my tramp yesterday and flung it into a neighbors yard three houses down, completing mutilating it. Also explain to me why you would choose our brand new tramp to pick on when all the surrounding neighbors tramps that are older and dingier didn't even budge an inch. I will be expecting a check for $350.00, the cost of the trampoline.

Lastly, could you please keep your "offices" clean? Frankly, I'm tired of my kids coming in from playing at "your house", and getting their filthy, dirty feet and bodies all over my sheets and couch. I've had to wash my sheets every other day, and bath children who are grumpy because they are tired. You just seem to wear them out, and I need them awake and alert when they start school in a week and half. (Thank Goodness).

If you could just take care of those items for me, it would be greatly appreciated. Oh, and while you're at it, I would appreciate a fog-free brain, a self cleaning house, a car that doesn't require gas (or duct tape), and a reprieve from giving a talk in church on Sunday. Thank you for your prompt reply. I am eagerly awaiting your response.

Sincerely,
Me

Hawaii AND Bust...(my pants that is)

I'm a little late posting this, but between BBQs, Trampoline set-ups, stitches, classroom moving, etc., I haven't had time.
My husband and I got back about a week ago from a thoroughly relaxing trip to Hawaii. Ahhhhh, was it blissful! We stayed up late, learned to be 'slumdog millin-aires', ate, woke up early, snorkeled, ate, lounged on the beach, ate, saw sea turtles, swam with sharks, ate, watched t.v. without having to get up once to break up fighting kids, ate, read books, solved People Magazine crossword puzzles, ate, drank pina coladas by the Turtle Bay pool, went on a sunset catamarran sail,ate... Are we seeing a common theme?
I think I spent two months trying to body prep myself for this trip. I ate less, exercised more, got a pedicure and gel toes (recommended), a spray-on tan (not recommended), got my hair cut and highlighted, and waxed,well we won't go into that (ouch!) I really wanted to look fabulous. I then spent the entire week of my vacation undoing all the hard work. My spray tan washed off in splotchy blotches after about one trip to the beach. My hair was, well, humidity-driven the entire time (aka frizzy), and I ate so much food I gained five pounds. Why do I do this myself? Because looking good is hard work and work frankly, SUCKS!
Now don't get me wrong. This trip is definitely in the Top 3 BEST vacations I've ever been on. Our friends we traveled with were awesome! We've always been good friends, but it was truly fun getting to know them better. I laughed more in that week than I think I have in the rest of the year combined. I discovered snorkeling and that I love it. I even want to get a Scuba License now. I became a beach bum (which if you've known me at all-you'll know I usually shun the sun). I learned to take life one moment at a time and just breath in the moments I am given. I came home a different, more relaxed kind of person.
So, to recap...With all my work and worry,I didn't look fabulous for even one moment of the trip. I couldn't even compare to the beautiful beach babes walking around Waiemaie Beach. BUT... for the first time in my life I didn't care. This trip taught me that there is more to life than how we look. It's about embracing life and having fun whenever you can. AND... that is a lesson I will keep with me always.
THANKS HAWAII! I'll be visiting you again soon.

KITTIES!

My sister's cat had kittens a while ago, and ever since, my kids have been begging and begging to have one. I will admit that the kittens are stinkin' cute, but I also know they only stay that way for about two months. Therefore, instead of taking one home we just go over there and hold them until we get our fill of the cuddliness and then leave them there. Here are a couple of pictures of my kids soaking in the cuteness.

Jordan Family BBQ

This past weekend was the annual Jordan family barbeque. We usually get together when my husband's sister, Jojo, is in town. This year we had almost everyone there. Fun was had by all, and it's always so good to see everyone. It was a great night.

Stitches

Our poor little guy is very accident prone. He probably falls down, hits his head, and/or skins his knees at least three times a day. Last Friday, he decided to do all three at once. Our little neighbor was bringing him home from playing at their house when Andy decided to break away and run on his own. Sure enough, he face-planted it into our rock pile, sliding his hand and arm down a board that just happened to be sitting nearby. The end result? Stitches and several splinters in his hand and arms. It has been really gross because there is no way to keep it clean. Plus he has a little bit of a cold and blowing his nose has been interesting to say the least. Here are the "have-to" take disgusting pictures of the accident. Warning the pictures are not good, but hey, you got to capture it for posterity. Teeth through the lip?? OUCH!
Still being a sport even when he's in pain.

Kids Big Birthday

My husband and I decided that this year we didn't want to buy the kids a bunch of toys which we would have to step on and pick up five times a day. So...
This year we bought a joint present for our kids and got them a trampoline. They begged us and begged us to set it up, but we were leaving for Hawaii the next day and didn't have time. When we got home, it was the first thing they asked about when we stepped out of the car. "Will you set up our tramp now?" So... without further ado. Here are the first pictures of the kids and their brand new Tramp. Cute Kids Enjoying Their Present
Toyota! (does anyone remember that commercial?)
Tyty's Tricks
Getting the Hang of It
The New Tramp